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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28291350">I Wonder as I Wander Out Under the Sky</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFreak611/pseuds/FanFreak611'>FanFreak611</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>12 Days of Psychmas (2020) [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Psych (TV 2006)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brother-Sister Relationships, Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, O'Hara Family Christmas, Platonic Relationships, Scottish Christmas, Season/Series 04, Traditions, why do all of my lassie and jules stuff wind up being the most poetic lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:07:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28291350</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFreak611/pseuds/FanFreak611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in season 4. Lassiter gets a do-over of experiencing an O'Hara Family Christmas and realizes just how much his partner means to him.</p><p>Written for day 11 of the 12 Days of Psychmas</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlton Lassiter &amp; Juliet O'Hara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>12 Days of Psychmas (2020) [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>12 Days of Psychmas 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Wonder as I Wander Out Under the Sky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is set sometime after A Very Juliet ep btw. Idk why my Lassie and Jules stuff always comes out super soft but I am <i>here</i> for it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He finds her on the roof and has to bite his tongue to keep from commenting on how she left him alone with her family. She’s hugging her knees to her chest and the breeze ruffles the strands of her high ponytail, eyes set on the darkened horizon. It takes him a minute to get through the window- his long gangly limbs refusing to cooperate- but even when he bangs his knee and lets out a loud curse, she remains completely still.</p><p>Eventually he comes to a seat besides her, silently studying her profile. Her jaw is set, eyebrows low and everything about her face screams that she’s annoyed… except her eyes. He knows her well enough to know that her eyes always show her real emotions. This time- this time they read of sadness and loss.</p><p>“Thank you for coming.” She finally speaks, her voice quiet. “I’m sorry for ditching you, I just needed a moment.”</p><p>The corner of his mouth twitches up. “Thank you for inviting me… and for all of those lessons on your family’s traditions. I’m glad I didn’t mess it up again this year.”</p><p>She shakes her head. “You didn’t mess anything up, you didn’t know because I didn’t tell you.”</p><p>He gives a little shrug. “Either way, I appreciate it. I’m glad I got to experience all this. Who knew I was the perfect first-footer?”</p><p>She laughs at this but the sound is off and he can’t help frowning. “I know my mom really appreciated your tartan tie.”</p><p>He grabs the mentioned accessory and studies it’s green fabric and red lines. It inadvertently wound up almost matching her dress and upon his arrival Maryanne had instantly taken hundreds of photos of the two of them. Seeing Maryanne so enthusiastic about him was kind of odd considering the last time but he was happy to have those lasting memories with his partner.</p><p>“Your family does love their traditions.”</p><p>She nods, letting out a soft “Yeah” and he frowns again. He’s never seen her like this. Well he’s never seen her like this around Christmastime. Usually she’s a bundle of happiness and joy and can’t stop talking about her family’s celebrations but she’s different now and he’s not sure why.</p><p>His eyes fixed on her profile, he tilts his head towards her. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“We’re missing a tradition,” She says with a sigh, “We usually miss it anyways but this year it’s just harder.”</p><p>An eyebrow is raised but he remains quiet, letting her process her own thoughts. Her hands clench and unclench on the skirt of her dress. “When I was a little girl, I always wanted to put the star on the tree but I couldn’t because I was the youngest and too short and everything. One year when I was in first grade, Ewan- who was a teenager at the time- picked me up so I could do it. We continued that tradition every year until he joined the army but would still do it whenever he could make it home. But now-” She takes a shaky breath and he swears he can see tears gather in the corners of her eyes but no sooner does she blink them away. </p><p>“I’m sorry O’Hara,” He mutters when he finally finds his voice.</p><p>She simply shakes her head. “Don’t be. I’m glad I found out the truth, I just wish…” She sighs. “I wish it didn’t hurt so much.”</p><p>“I really am sorry,” He repeats, “You didn’t deserve for that to happen to you.” </p><p>She really didn’t. His partner, the giant bundle of joy and happiness that he got to work with didn’t deserve to have any bad thing happen to her. And yet so much did, between the murder camp, the drive in, her brother and her college boyfriend it seemed like the world had it out for her. He had long ago sworn to protect whoever his partner was but this was deeper. He knew that he’d sooner die protecting her than ever willingly let something hurt her.</p><p>After a long moment she turns to look at him and he notes how much she’s grown from that bright eyed, newly appointed detective he first met. She’s still inherently that same woman but in the same way she’s not. Her face is a little more worn by time and age but her eyes still hold that spark that clued him in to the fact that maybe this partner would be different than all the rest.</p><p>“Thank you Carlton.” Her voice is as soft as her smile and he can’t help but smile back.</p><p>They continue to sit outside for a while, listening to the quiet suburban sounds and the occasional tune drifting from inside. He doesn’t mind this, is usually used to being alone and in quiet, but there’s something about being quiet with someone he cares about so much that makes it even better. </p><p>Eventually she stands and he follows her back inside, into the joyous atmosphere and welcoming company. It’s different from the world they were just in, from the quiet and calm but he finds himself not exactly minding it either. They’re quickly whisked off to gingerbread contests and pudding making and burning the rowan twig. Just as quickly he finds himself laughing and joining along, feeling lighter than he’s felt in <i>weeks</i>. It helps that he no longer has to be worried about her as she’s laughing and joyful- it’s exactly what she deserves.</p><p>They wind up gathering around the tree, the nephews setting out mince pie and whisky for Santa and  Maryanne passing the star to Juliet. And when she asks him quietly if he’ll lift her up to put the star on the tree he feels the strong urge to cry- even though he’ll never admit it to anyone.</p><p>She’s lighter than she looks but his arms still strain to hold her up. There’s a smile on her face so bright that it rivals the star’s shimmering lights and he finds his own grin gowing to match hers. Maryanne snaps a few photos and he makes a mental note to ask her for a copy of those later. It’s safe to say that he never wants to forget this Christmas for it’s the best one he’s had in a very long time.</p><p>And then Juliet smiles at him and he realizes that it’s all because of her. She’s become his family and he’s so incredibly grateful for her.</p>
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